When we lose a loved one, distracting ourselves can sometimes make grieving easier. We dive into work, school, hobbies — anything to keep our minds busy.

This often helps dull the pain. But it can also make you forget things you didn't think you could, like what your loved one looked or sounded like. And when you forget things like that, it’s almost worse than being sad.

Writer Lara McCaffrey had such an experience, and on this episode, she shares her story. It’s a story about trying to heal yourself in the wake of a devastating loss—and about the struggle to dull the pain, without losing that special connection with the person you’ve lost.

Mari Andrew was leading a charmed existence. At 30 years old, she had a book deal, was living in Spain, learning Flamenco, and making a living through her art.

And then one day, she came down with a mysterious disease. A disease that would turn Mari's life on its head.

The illness kept her hospitalized for a month -- and disabled long after that. It took her away from the things she loved and shattered her sense of identity.

But it also resulted in something unexpected: a relationship with the natural world that was as powerful as it was surprising.

Producer Greta Weber brings us Mari's story.